Waiting To Forget
by Zeiyuki
Summary: Hiei died to save him and now Kurama wants nothing more then to forget he ever exisited. But how far will he go? Hiei knows how to help him. But can he bring himself to help him forget?HieiKurama YusukeKurama later on. Chap 6 is up!
1. Eyes Like Stone

Hey guys its been a while since i've gotten up anything new...Havent been in the mood to write. I dont know how long ago i wrote 'Let me forget' and promised you all a dialoge version. I know it took me a LONG time but here it is. Its not exactly like the poem version I plan on changing many things and as for updates...I wont make promises, I want this to actually be an OK fic in my eyes so i'm going to take time to write it out and make sure not to rush the fic like i tend to do with my other ones. Now clue how long it will be at this time.

This chapter is really short and i'm sorry for that.I'm really wanting to know what you the readers to review and let me know what you think. Now if you want a glimpse of what MAY happen you can read the poem version which is completed. If you do read that please review it as well!

Oh yeah I guess i should put this warning :Pairing is Hiei/Kurama...Fic will be angsty, but thats what i'm good at. XD

* * *

Title : Waiting To Forget

Chapter 1: Eyes Like Stone

Date Completed: October 3, 2005

* * *

I sit waiting at my window. Its pathetic of me really because i know you arent going to be coming back this time. God how many nights have I spent awake since he died just staring into nothing? It feels like my souls been ripped in two, as if my very life has been taken from me. This feeling is hell. My gaze drifts to the window again, I see the branches rustle and my heart jumps.

It couldnt be...

A cat comes out from the darkness, and I let go the breath I had been holding in.

you're being stupid. You know that wasnt him..

After drawing the blinds I fall onto my bed. Even that held memories...I wish I could just destroy every thing in this room that reminded me of him. Pushing the thought aside i try to force myself to sleep. I feel something new swell up in me, an anger i couldnt believe. Why did he do this to me? If he had just let me die...

I feel for the chain holding the small crystal dragon around my neck. I remember when he gave it to me.

* * *

"Why do you humans celebrate the day of their birth?" 

I turned from my work to look at him. I was wondering what the hell was making him ask that question out of the blue like that. Yes it was my birthday but I really doubted he of all people knew that.

"I'm not really sure why Hiei, its just something we've done for hundreds of years."

"Humans are strange creatures.."

I merely chuckled and returned to my work. Minuets later I heard him move, his feet pading quietly on the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him place something on the edge of my desk. Before i could even turn around he was gone.Out my window and into the darkness.

I picked the item up and stared at it. On the chain there was a small black crystal dragon, with flaming red eyes. A beautiful makai piece.One that back in my old days i would've stolen. I smiled lightly, somehow he found out it was my birthday.

That explains the question..But its odd of Hiei to do something like that even for me.. I thought as I placed the chain around my neck fastening it in place. I swore then that i'd never remove it.

* * *

I didnt care anymore about my silent promise. Ripping the chain from my neck I held it up into the light. Its garnet eyes stared back at me.Reminding me of his eyes the day he died, How cold they were. Cold and lifeless. The crystal shattered with a small sound, as the necklace collided with the wall. 

"I want to forget you" I say quietly.

* * *

Blegh please tell me what you think. Again sorry for the short short chapter. 


	2. Make Me Forget You

Thank you so much to my wonderful reviewers.

Makurayami Ookami- Sorry but its gonna get wayy more depressing as the fic progresses as you already know

Hiei's Phoenix Girl -Thanks, i reread it and still cant find the grammar problems, but then again I've never been to good with spotting grammar errors. XD Glad you liked it

And thank you to those who may have read it and not reviewed. If you liked or hell if you hated it let me know, I want to know what you think!

This chapter is in Hiei's POV I failed to mention in the first chapter that there would be PO shifts possibly each chapter between both Hiei and Kurama. And later on possibly Yuusuke and Kuwabara

Sorry its another EXTREMELY short chapter…..

* * *

Title : Waiting To Forget

Chapter 2: Make Me Forget You

Date Completed: October 4, 2005

* * *

Where the hell am I? I pace the small room back and forth. When I died I had no regrets, I died for him and that was what i had wanted. But damn it, why couldn't I see if he was ok? And why the hell was I here and not in what the humans liked to call hell.

"Hiei," I look around trying to find the source of the voice.

"You are here for judgment. How you deal here will determine whether or not you a granted your life back."

I am confused. Why would I be placed in a room of all places for judgment. And what about the chance to get my life back. I didn't understand why Koenma was doing this.

"How can you possibly judge me here? There is nothing." I say coldly.

"Not yet. But look at the wall in front of you. What is it you want to see the most?"

Kurama. If I cant be there I want to watch over him.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

He doesn't say anything. I stare at the wall and slowly i can see Kurama sitting on his bed. Barely I can see the necklace i gave him in his hands. The anger clear on his face.

"Your judgment starts now. When it is over I will decide your fate."

"When will it be over?"

There is no answer.

I sit here and watch Kurama's actions in disbelief. I hear him say he wants to forget me. His words dripping with anger and masked sadness.

"What do you want me do to?"

I see him looking around. I can sense his confusion, he doesn't know whether or not he heard me. But there is no way he could have heard me.

"Hiei?" I can hear his quiet voice.

"You gave your life for me...and now I only want you to make me forget you. That's what I want you do to."

I am angered by his request. He knows I can hear him. But why did he have to ask that of me? Why?

"I wont do it Kurama.."

There is no way I will help him forget me. My fist connects with the wall before I even realize it. The wall gives in slightly, cracks spread from the hole. I just keep hitting that wall over and over, trying to erase his words from my mind.

But no matter how many times i hit that wall his words just keep echoing in my mind. His words are my pain. Because now I have to choose.

* * *

Wah! I'm sorry the chapters are so VERY short...I don't mean them to be its just how they turn out. I hope no ones angry that they're short, but at least I'm updating. If there are any errors sorry i reread it but i have problems catching grammer errors.

Um the next chapter I think will begin with even more differences then the original version. I'm going to TRY to bring in more of the characters. But adding more charas make it harder for me to write. But I have to, to show certain things, and to make the story longer XD

But yeah I don't want my author notes to exceed the length of the chappie so I'm just gonna ask ya'll to review and that's all


	3. Cause I cant promise I can live

Thank you so much to my reviewers! I'm so happy you like my fic 

I almost gave up on this fic, I had no inspiration for this chapter at all and so it sat on my comp with two sentences written until tonight when I came across it and started writing I see that people are reading this 94 hits and only four reviews? (I love the two that have reviewed this!) Come on people, if you read it please take the time to review, I don't care if its negative or not just review and let me know what you think. I accept anonyms reviews.

A lot is going on in my life and its making it hard to write. I'll try to keep updating on a timely basis but i cant promise anything. I may have a job soon so that as well will effect updating times. So yeah please be patient with me.

Oh and if you havent noticed, which i dont think anyone has cause its only been two chapters the titles of each chapter form a poem when combined

* * *

Title : Waiting To Forget 

Chapter 3: Cause I cant promise i'll live

Date Completed: October 22, 2005

* * *

I waited for his mother to tell him I was here. I thought it was important to get him out of his house for a while. Plus Koenma had a new mission for us.

"What do you want?"

His voice was so emotionless, so tired it was weird to hear it coming from him.

"Koenma has a new mission for us."

He looked at me as if I had said something stupid.

"Tell him I'm through with his missions."

I wasn't expecting that.

I look at him trying to see if maybe he was possibly not serious about this. For once I couldn't read him.

"With Hiei gone we're going to need you Kur.."

"Leave. Now."

He turned around and began walked out of the room. "Kurama.. wait listen."

He spun around. He stood in the doorway "Listen to what? I know he's gone. I don't care about the missions anymore, I've paid my dues for what I did. I said I'm through and I mean it."

I sighed, what was with him. Hiei's death was hard on all of us. I' was beginning to think that maybe my suspicions were true. I decided to find out.

"Why are you taking this so hard? What was between you two?"

I think I caught him off guard. He stood there staring at the floor. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, or if he was even going to answer.

"I doubt that you would understand it Yuusuke."

I almost didn't hear him. But his answer was enough. I vaguely heard the old Kurama for a moment.

"So I was right."

It wasn't a question, but a statement to show him I did understand.  
"Was it that obvious?" I heard him laugh very lightly, I think it was more of a sad laugh then anything.

"No, I could see it. Kuwabara never did. Even when I explained it to him. I doubt the others saw it, If they did it was never mentioned except as a joke."

I paused to give him a moment.

"I know this is harder on you then all of us, but you cant keep letting it dwell on your mind. He loved you…and he wanted you to live, otherwise he wouldn't have done what he did."

He leaned against the doorframe, His hair hiding his face. I think he was crying. I didn't know what to do I hadn't seen Kurama cry before.. Even when Hiei died. he didn't cry. In fact we all worried because he hardly showed anything at all that day.

"Why does it hurt so much?"

I was never one for helping people. Kurama was always the one that I went to for advice. But I was going to try.

"I think its because you cared for him so much."

I was hoping he wouldn't ask anything more. I wouldn't know what to say.

"Thank you. That was what I needed to hear." He looked straight at me, I could see his eyes were red. He had been crying. I didn't get the chance to speak again.

"Tell Koenma I still need more time.. I'll come back when I'm ready."

I stood up and walked over to him. I embraced him lightly, he needed it. I didn't care if it wasn't something i would normally do.

"Kurama we're here if you need to talk. If anything we can make you laugh. Promise you'll call us?"

I felt his arms lightly around me. His voice was barely above a whisper and I could hear the lie in it

"I promise."

I wasn't going to push it further.

I let go of him and said my goodbyes. He had us all worried, and none of us were sure really what to do.

* * *

"So how'd it go?" Kuwabara asked me the moment he picked up the phone.

"It went ok, he said he still needs time though."

"He wont be on the mission?"

"No." Didn't he get what I had said. Sometimes I wondered about whether he paid attention or not.

"oh. Is he ok?"

Ah so he was attentive to some things.

"I don't know Kuwabara. I really don't know"

* * *

OMG...I think I just went way off my plot line XD Or maybe I didn't I don't know I think I may have thrown them OOC a bit but oh well. As I said I have no clue when I'll update next it shouldn't be to long a week, two at most. Please review. Next chapter should be in Hieis's POV. I know it should be Kurama's but I have an idea. But hey it may change by the time i write it out.

Till next time.


	4. So Let The Pain cancel the Pain

**Once again it's a short chapter. Thank you so much to my only reviewers. You two keep me writing this.**

* * *

Title : Waiting To Forget

Chapter 4 : So Let The Pain cancel the Pain

Date Completed: October 24, 2005

* * *

**_Pain cancels pain.  
At least that's what I believe.  
Each cut sparks a trigger,  
And the memories all leave.  
Its just another way to deal.  
I don't see what's so wrong.  
Why do you all freak out  
When you see the marks and scars?  
Just leave it alone, that is all I want.  
For the memories to go away.  
Pain cancels pain..._**

* * *

I sit on my floor listening to my mothers voice on the other side of my door. Asking me over and over again if I was ok. She had seen me crying after Yuusuke left. I hadn't meant to cry but what he had said hit me hard. 

I'm not okay mother. I want to say. But I just keep my back to the door, trying to force her voice and Yuusuke's words out of my mind.

"Mother please just go away..." I say loud enough for her to hear that I really don't want to talk to her.

I can hear her start to protest but then she respects my wishes and leaves.

All Yuusuke wanted to do was help...but why did he have to say that? And why did he make me lie to him?

You're causing me so many problems...If you'd just help me like i had asked...I put my hand on the floor to help steady myself as I stand. A sharp pain shoots up through my palm. Looking down I see that a piece of that pendant had stabbed my palm.

"damn it.." I curse under my breath.

This is his fault. I press my palm harder against the small piece of crystal. I feel a little better. The memories blur in my mind.

Looking around my room I find what I can use. The glass from the picture frame breaks quietly. The largest piece fits perfectly in my hand. I know how to forget on my own.

In one quick move the glass tears through the skin of my arm. It felt so good. And with each wound I could feel the memories less and less..

Pain cancels pain.

After all I have said about hurting ones self. And how selfish it was. I no longer care. Now I see why...

I know you are watching me. You can see very clearly what you're doing. You know how to help me. How to stop this all. Refuse me again and see what happens.

* * *

"Hey Kurama." Yuusuke greeted me as we waited for Koenma to tell us what our mission was. Two weeks had passed since the night i had discovered how to make it all vanish on my own. a

"Ah Kurama, its good to see you are back." I could feel myself glaring at the demi god.

"Yuusuke, Kuwabara, I need to speak with Kurama alone." He said sternly motioning for them to leave us.

I think Yuusuke or maybe even Kuwabara wanted to say something but for once he just stood up and left without a word. Koenma looked back at me.

"Why are you doing this?" Now was my chance for answers.

"What are you referring to?"

Don't play dumb you stupid bastard. I realize the thoughts are coming from somewhere deeper.

"Hiei. I know you're letting him watch me. Why?"

I was holding back anger I should have let out. I balled my fist letting my nails dig deep into my palm.

"I cant tell you that Kurama, you of all people should know that."

"Then tell me this, am I on your list?"

I could tell i had him confused and that's where he would stay.

"Forget the mission. I've changed my mind, I'm leaving."

If he said anything as i left I didn't hear it. Yuusuke grabbed my arm as I exited the room.

"Kurama what's going on?"

I pulled my arm away quickly, feeling the warm blood start to flow again as one the wounds reopened.

"Nothing. I'm leaving"

* * *

**Gah lets jump onto the angst train…I just dont know anymore..Zei's in a bad mood.old habits die hard.… But thanks to it this chapter has been written.**

**The poem at the beginning was inspired by a line in the fic. Those three words really were what this chapter was built around. Am I even following my plot? Is there even a plot in there? I have no idea where this is going or how long its going to be. Forgive the short chapters I just cant do long ones. I doubt I stayed in character, but oh well,. .My writing sucks I wish I had stayed in school longer and could remember proper English…Maybe then there wouldnt be so many errors...gah sorry zei's running on about her life ..Anyways please review as always.**

**Part of me wants to switch my plot and make this a Yuusuke/Kurama fic but I want to go along with my old idea for now…Maybe I'll write another fic.. or after this fic quit writing all together.**

** 3  
**

**Zeiyuki**


	5. The Secret Is Out

**Amazing. I thought I was going to end this fic. In fact I had all but put it from my mind. Until I opened my e-mail to find a review. That one review reminded me that I had left this unfinished, so I reread it. And started to write this. I'm surprised with how easily the words flowed as I typed. I'm staying true to my story line I hope.**

**Plus I've been in such an amazingly good mood lately.. That its easier for ideas to come.**

**Its almost 4:30 AM…I think its Friday. But I sorta lost a day cause I slept for 20 hours yesterday --; I need to get back to regular sleeping habits or else I'll never get a job. Hehe**

**I did something new with this chapter. Instead of devoting it all to Hiei or Kuramas POV I alternated between the two. I considered writting in Yuusuke's POV for a bit but I couldnt do it --; But yeah, The alternating thing will become a regular thing. It makes it easier for me. **

* * *

**Title : Waiting To Forget**

Chapter 4 : The Secret Is Out

Date Completed: Decemeber 16, 2005

* * *

**  
**

(Hiei)

His actions. His harming himself. Does he honestly think that will make me help him? Even as I think this I can feel a pull in the back of my mind. Its telling me otherwise, telling me that I cant keep watching him do this. I can feel myself slowly swearing under my breath. Now I must watch as he hurts himself. As he destroys his beautiful body, to try and forget me.

Foolish.

I saw his actions in Koenma's office. I heard every word, saw his every move. I could almost read his thoughts through his body language. Clearly he planned on taking his life if I didn't help him soon. But I doubted that he would, the fox, was against suicide. Strongly. He had on many occasions said how selfish it was.

I closed my eyes to avoid seeing him anymore.

* * *

(Kurama)

I slammed the door hard enough to make my ears hurt from the noise. I was grateful that my mother wasn't home. I just wanted to be left alone for a while.

Stupid...Why did you go and say that. 'Am I on your list?'.. Fuck.. I don't need them knowing.. I don't need them to intervene.

"See Hiei? I've never been known to slip up before."

I hear knocking on the door downstairs. So much for alone. I drag myself off of my bed, and go to open the door. I can hear voices on the other side. Its Yuusuke and Kuwabara. I consider just not answering it. But knowing they'd break the door in if I didn't made me choose otherwise.

I try my best to look calm as I open the door.

"Yuusuke, Kuwabara. I thought Koenma sent you out already?"

Yuusuke stares me down. Almost as if he can tell what went down in Koenma's office.

I step aside to let them in.

"We decided to come by here first, see if maybe we could talk you into going."

I shot Yuusuke a look that clearly said no.

Kuwabara was still silent. My guess is Yuusuke told him to just shut up and let him talk. I almost laughed because I'm sure that's exactly how it went down. I pulled my mind back to the issue at hand.

Yuusuke approached me. Close enough to whisper so I'd hear him.

"I know what you are doing."

I step back away from him. He's treading in territory he shouldn't.

"Ah care to inform me to what I'm doing then, cause I don't know what it is you are speaking of."

I feel the smirk pull from my youko side. I can play my games if I wish. He should know better.

"Hm would you like Kuwabara to know as well? Because I wont be nice and whisper it."

I can tell that Kuwabara is confused.

Yuusuke is playing games as well.. now I know that he knows. I avoid looking at either of them. I know I'm setting myself up for a huge mess but frankly I don't care.

"Say what you want, I have nothing to hide."

I almost immediately regret saying that.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a look of disbelief on Yuusuke's face. I walk into the kitchen

before either can answer. I hear only one set of steps follow me. Perhaps Kuwabara just knew this wasn't something he needed to get involved with.

In the kitchen Yuusuke stares me down even harder.

"Nothing to hide huh?"

Once again I give my answer.

"Nothing, and if there was anything would I tell you?"

"Then show me your arms."

"No."

"You are hiding something. I know it."

"You're acting like an idiot."

"And you are lying."

Before I realize it Yuusuke has me pinned against the counter. I can feel the sharp edge digging into my back. He has my wrists held tightly in his hands. How could I have not noticed his movements? How stupid I am to not have paid attention. He was just waiting to catch me off guard.

I try to pull away before he can expose my secret. in the process knocking a glass to the floor.

Yuusuke ignores it and presses a knee into my stomach. Pain stops me cold. My sleeve is pulled up, and he looks at my arm.

"This."

I heard Kuwabara enter the kitchen.

"What is going.." He stops. My guess is that he saw. Great. Two people more knew then whom needed to.

I hear him turn and leave again. Yuusuke still is holding me against the counter. His hand gripping my wrist tightly.

"Its not going to help you."

I try to pull away again. He doesn't loosen his hold. I don't try to fight him.

"Shut up."

"Would you rather I not care?"

"Yes." No.

"I wont do that. Now tell me how this helps. Make me understand."

He hasn't let me go. I'm getting angry. He obviously doesn't know that you shouldn't corner a fox. I push forward with all my strength, he holds strong. I had forgotten long ago that Yuusuke was stronger then me. Either that or I didn't want to push him away..

"I'm not letting go of you until you tell me."

"My mother will be home soon. Let me go." I was lying. He could tell somehow.

"I said not till you tell me."

"No. Now let me go before I stop being nice and hurt you."

He doesn't even loosen up a bit. In fact I feel his grip tighten. He's daring me to attack him. Silently he's challenging me.

I get one arm out of his grip. I think he let it go on purpose. I'm not to big on hand to hand combat but if it need be I'll do it.

I aim a punch at his head, and he doesn't even try to stop my fist. Again and again I hit him trying either to hit his head or sternum maybe pull what he did and knock the wind out of him. He doesn't flinch as I keep hitting him.

I get the best distance I can with his holding my wrist and swing my weight into a kick towards his gut. He drops my hand, and grabs my ankle throwing my to my stomach before once again grabbing my wrist. He pulls my arm behind my back and pushes it up. Hard.

"Are you ready to talk, or am I just going to get to pin you down until your mother returns and let her deal with it."

"You wouldn't."

"I wouldn't do a lot of things. But I've done them anyways. Want to try me?"

I sigh in defeat. "Let me up."

He hears it in my voice. and lets me go. I pull my sleeve back down covering the cause of this fight. I stay on the ground for a few seconds after he leaves.

Yuusuke tells me to stay here while he goes and talks to Kuwabara for a moment. I stay on the ground for a few seconds after he leaves.

While he is talking to him I consider leaving. But I know its pointless.

He enters the kitchen again a few minuets later.

"I told Kuwabara I would deal with it. He's concerned too you know."

I don't answer.

"Now why are you doing it?"

* * *

(Hiei)

I wasn't to surprised as I watched Kurama fight Yuusuke. What surprised me was Yuusuke he could clearly tell something was up and he had tricked Kurama into fighting him. My guess it was just to let him vent, judging by how he just let Kurama hit him. Vent and then get the truth.

I already knew the truth. I had seen when it started. What surprised me was how Kurama just gave in.

He had never been so quick to give into a fight or give away personal things about himself. But perhaps my death had fucked him up more then I thought.

I slowly was considering the options given to me. He could forget about me, and go about his life.

Or keep remembering and slowly destroy himself.

I know its selfish but I cant make him forget. I don't want him to forget me.

But if he doesn't.. I know what will happen.

* * *

(Kurama)

"How did you know?"

I'm scratching the scabs through my shirt nervously. I had just told him it all. Perhaps I just needed someone to listen to it all. For once I am not 'prefect'

"When you left Koenma's and I grabbed your arm I felt it through you sleeve. And blood has a distinct smell."

I look down at the table. I am embarrassed. Not something I feel often.

"It wont help you, you know that right?"

I can only nod, still pulling my arm. I think Yuusuke sees me doing it. But if he does he's not saying anything.

"I don't know what else to say Kurama. I've never dealt with something like this before."

And you shouldn't have to.. I'm wishing he would leave now.. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable as he speaks.

"I'll leave now alright?"

I must not be masking it anymore. I nod again.

"This time you had better call me if you need anything. Got it?"

"ye..yes." I manage to get out.

He leaves and I couldn't even bring myself to thank him.

* * *

I** am in compete shock. 2 pages more then what I usually write**

**I don't think that part in the kitchen turned out very well. I could have done a better job.. but I'm so tired…and well I cant think of how to mess with it right now. Plus I just want to post this.**

**Thank you to my reviewers whom reviewed my 'ending this fic notice' . You need not be concerned about me I'm fine.**

**Ack..I have seriously nothing in my head.. I think this chapter used it all up ROFL…**


	6. I'm getting weaker

**Oh dear god people don't kill me please. Its been a year. A year Yes I know. I'm so sorry guys for a while my muse just dropped off the face of the earth then some crap happened, and some more crap happened and I just haven't been able to write. Plus I hadn't had any intentions of finishing this. But I reread it and decided I wanted to.**

**So if any of my old faithful readers are still around let me know, and if anyone is new to the fic please review as well I'd love to know what you think.**

**Review responses -**

**Hiei's Phoenix Girl - The alternate thing is fun, although I keep confusing myself XD I**

**have to say that's plain evil not telling people like that although it would be fun..**

**FreeMoment - Thank you very much I'm glad that you liked it.**

**Luna Forest - Thanks**

**Lita Kitsune - Thank you I hope you like this chapter.**

**DragonRose888 - Your words are inspiring you know that? I think a lot of times my writing is terrible given I've read so many better written things. But thank you so much for being so encouraging and I hope that you happen to read this.**

**psychotic-pyromaniac - Thanks, I almost did give it up until I saw it and decided I couldn't let it sit unfinished.**

**Lanai - I'm glad you were understanding**

**Kumiku-chan - Ah angst is what I'm good at though. I could imagine it I would feel bad to if I wasn't the one writing it all.. but in a way I do feel bad for them having to watch like that. Ah I am still working them out but I feel strong enough to be able to write this again so that means something thanks a lot 3**

**Makurayami Ookami - aww but I don't have other stories. I did go with my feelings obviously. and I'm sad I did because I hated leaving this fic undone.**

* * *

_**Title : Waiting To Forget**_

_**Chapter 6: I'm Getting Weaker**_

_**Date Completed: December 25, 2006**_

* * *

_(yuusuke)_

I found it hard to believe he was doing that to himself. We all have our own ways of dealing but that? I couldn't really understand it. In my head I was remembering one moment towards the end of our talk that stood out.

"It wont help you, you know that right?"

He just nodded either unable or unwilling to speak about it. I watch him nervously pull at his sleeve. I decide not to bring it up.

"I don't know what else to say Kurama. I've never dealt with something like this before." It was true, in everything I've had to go through in life. I've never had to deal with this. Sure my mother was a drunk, but that was different.

There was a pause and I could see regret in his downcast eyes as he once again shifts nervously. I've never seen him like this before. So weakened, so frail, so unlike himself.

My feelings for Kurama still compel me to do more then I should. I don't want him to end up dead, not if I could prevent it.

"Urameshi?" Kuwabara dragged me from my thoughts.

"Sorry what were you saying?" I ran my hands through my hair looking up at the sky.

Apparently time cant fully erase what I feel.

* * *

_(Kurama)_

I was determined not to give in. But I did. His concern both confused and scared me. I didn't know why he wanted so badly to help me. I didn't need it...Did I?

In the kitchen I almost started to tell him what was going on. But I stopped myself long before any words had the chance to surface. I just couldn't bring myself to speak it.

But after all of that I feel weaker. Not only was my guard down, but I let him corner me. I really have lost it.

Hiei. My minds wandering to him again. But this time its not so much sadness I'm feeling. Its anger. He was making me suffer. If he truly cared he would have ended this for me when it started.

Did her ever care at all then? Does he enjoy sitting there wherever he is, watching me suffer? I feel betrayed.

I want turn to the one thing that I know can't betray me. For a second I almost consider calling Yuusuke, I'm not sure why. I only agreed, thinking it was just for emergencies.

This doesn't count.

I'm getting weaker and my feelings of betrayal seep from my veins.

* * *

_(Hiei)_

"Stupid fucking fox" I curse loudly.

I thought after what happened with Yuusuke he'd stop hurting himself. I'm jealous at what Yuusuke did in that kitchen. He caught the fox with his guard down and made him speak. How many can say they've done that? Not even I can. I'm furious as I well, I'm not Kuwabara I can clearly see why Yuusuke is so apt to help him.

"Fuck."

I cant keep watching him do this so I turn away. I'm going to loose him unless I do something.

I'm weighing the options in my mind... I was given two options. I can let him deal with this and have the chance to be returned to life or I can erase his memories of me and be sent to the other side.

I feel selfish either way. Because if I die, he's still going to have to deal with the scars. Scars which he wont know why, and his friends having to cover it all up. and If I choose to stay out the trial (how ever long that may be.) and he makes it through I return to life he'll hate me for having the chance.

Either way I'm fucked. there's no other way to look at it. Koenma must be laughing right now thinking of how smart he thinks he is for setting this all up.

"You aren't that smart Koenma." I smirk. I hope that asshole is confused.

* * *

_(Kurama)_

A week passed and I didn't even notice. Even with school. I didn't really care to listen or study for that matter. I'd go deal with the hoards of annoying girls whom luckily most of which seemed to back off for the time being. Then I'd come home and lock myself in my room, pretending to do homework but instead, I sleep and if cant sleep I just lay there staring at nothing.

My teachers finally showed their concerns at the end of the week.

"Shuuichi, you haven't turned in a single piece of work. And I've noticed you've been silent in classes. Is something going on at home?"

I put on that sickening facade I have to wear to please people. "I'm just fine, A little under the weather that's all."

If they truly think its a cold keeping me from my work they are not as smart as I thought.

"Ah I can understand that ."

No you cant, not at all.

"Why don't you take a couple days off and rest then?"

It would be pointless to do that. If I left school My mother would get suspicious and Yuusuke would worry even more. I stop my thoughts why did it matter so much if I worried him? I shook it off. I couldn't loose my calm here.

"I cant do that, My mother wouldn't approve."

"I'm sure if you explained it to her she'd understand?"

"No, its alright I'll be back to normal soon, but I cant miss school."

My teacher nodded understandingly. I almost smiled at how easy that was.

"Ok, but do know sick or not, you are getting failing grades."

"I know that and I would expect nothing higher. I have to go I have to take care of some things."

"Have a good evening then Shuuichi."

Again to easy.

I got home to another message on my machine few people ever called me.

_-Kurama, its Yuusuke. Um, me and Kuwabara were thinking about coming by tonight and dragging you out of your house for a bit you need to get out of there.-_ He paused. school doesn't count...- he was laughing as if he was expecting that to my thought. _-Anyways we'll be there round 7. Its not optional.-_ His voice was firm, yet held an air of humor to it

I didn't want to go out and despite what he said I have no intentions to. I quietly snuck into my mothers bathroom and borrowed two pills of her strongest sleeping medication and returned to my room locking the door behind me.

I would be asleep long before seven and wouldn't be awake for quite a while.

* * *

_  
(Kurama )_

I heard shouting. annoying shouting and then a cold rush of water hit me. My eyes snapped open, I sat up dizzily, the medication still holding its effect strongly on me. I coughed brushing the hair out of my eyes I looked up at Yuusuke and Kuwabara. Both of whom held small buckets.

"Told ya this would wake 'em Urameshi."

"Stop gloating you were right this once."

I glared at the two.

"Stop bickering and get the hell out of my room." I mumbled laying (more like falling) back down to tired to even try staying upright.

"I told you Kurama it wasn't optional. Now get up."

I didn't move. More so I couldn't. My body wasn't exactly listening at that moment.

"I'm going back to sleep. Leave." I was annoyed I wanted to sleep.

* * *

_(yuusuke)_

"Kuwabara, go out back and fill another bucket." Luckily for me he readily went to get another and knowing him it would take him a while to realize that we had disconnected the hose when we came inside so we didn't get in trouble with Shiori.

Something was up with him. His speech was different, and his movements or lack thereof.

"You wouldn't be able to fight us now if we dragged you out would you?"

He shook his head very very lightly I barely caught it.

"I cant hardly move right now. Just let me sleep it off please.. I promise you guys can drag me out tomorrow."

I was concerned.. seriously concerned.

"Sleep off what?"

"My mothers sleeping medication." I was quite surprised he was telling me this straight out without a fight.. but then worry took over. His mothers sleeping medication was strong, he'd mentioned once a while back.

xxxxxxxxx

_"What is that?" I asked bluntly referring to the medication that Kurama had just picked up for his mother._

_"Its a strong sedative. She hasn't been able to sleep well lately."_

_"How strong are we talking?" I asked with a grin._

_"Well she takes one and is out for a good 8 hours at least. and during that time nothing wakes her. So I assume you can guess how strong?"_

_I laughed "Nice, although that's kind of weird though"_

xxxxxxxxxx

"How Many? And tell me the truth or I will take you the hospital thinking you've tried to overdose or something"

I saw his eyes go wide and he sighed softly in defeat.

"2."

"Promise?"

"Yes. Now let me go to sleep?"

I believed him, but he was out before I could answer and if I remembered correctly he'd be out for a long while and when he woke up it was going to take him a while to get back to normal , I reached down and brushed some of the wet hair that was in his face.

"Of course. I'm just glad you're okay. I'd hate to loose you." I answered.

I left the room bumping into a confused irate Kuwabara. "There was no hose in the backyard Urameshi."

"It took you that long to realize it?" I decided to explain it to him on the walk home.

On our way out we said goodbye to Shiori explaining that Kurama was to busy with school work to go out.

* * *

**1- two options. I know I never explained it. Nor do I think I mentioned it o0 sorry. 2- when Hiei says 'die' he's just meaning in the permanent sense, cause yes he's dead**

**now but he has a chance to come back, so if he 'dies' he wont be able to return.**

**and that is all for now. I'm sure I've strayed off my plot (if there ever was one.) and it is in fact leaning towards YuusukeKurama, that's just where it wants to go and that's where I'm gonna let it. and I'm sorry but you wont see me write in Kuwabara's POV I just cant do it XD in fact I hate having him in it at all but he's part of the gang so I just do what I cant to creativily work him in and get rid of him at the same time XDDd  
**

**Again my lovely reviewers I ask you to let me now what you think.**


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